Category Archives: Uncategorized

In which the human lizard plans for death

Yes, this post is about death. But in a practical, I-have-no-intention-of-dying-anytime-soon kind of a way. So it’s ok. And not at all weird.

Last year I decided it was about time I made a will. A tiny amount of research led me to believe that if you meet certain criteria it’s pretty safe to make your will online. It was surprisingly easy – you hand over the very reasonable sum of £28, fill out all the details, wait for confirmation that it has been checked by a qualified human, then print it out and surprise two of your colleagues with the odd request of witnessing you sign your last will and testament.

The benefit of having a will is pretty obvious: it’s the way you can have a say in who gets your money and ‘stuff’ when you shuffle off this mortal coil. It means you can divvy things up between people, leave some money to a charity or leave your worldly wealth to a beloved pet.*

Making the will got me thinking about death generally and, more specifically, about my funeral. I have some STRONG FEELINGS relating to how my funeral/memorial fiasco should go down and it makes far more sense to put these things down on paper than to just hope that someone I’ve told remembers and is around at the right time, hopefully many years down the line. Last week I finally got round to doing this and I rattled down the important, won’t go into it here, part but then started to think about the other elements. I completely failed with music requests, so apologies funeral organisers, you’re on your own. It’s hard to think of songs that are happy but not entirely inappropriate when someone has just died. For example, my current favourite song is a Bright Eyes tune called First Day of My Life but I’m just not sure that a funeral is the time for irony.

lego man dressed as a chickenWhat was much easier to pin down was the dress code: no black (with an exception made for my brother as I don’t think he owns anything else). I’ve also included a reminder that a certain friend should come dressed in a chicken suit. I can’t remember how this came to be proposed (it was several years ago) but feel that it would lighten the mood rather well.

Something I now realise I didn’t mention is the food, but you can’t go to far wrong with a buffet. I do so love a buffet and am more than a little disappointed that I’ll be missing out on this one.

* Don’t do that.

Writing a will/planning your funeral
Players: 1
Ages: 18+
Vaguely interesting fact: A holographic will is one that is handwritten, signed and dated by the person but not witnessed. It could include a will written in the dust of a car bonnet by a person dying while lost in the desert. Validity of such wills varies depending on where you are.
Verdict: Writing a will is an incredibly easy thing to do, especially considering how grown up and important it is. If you own property or anything else of significant value, you should give it some thought.

In which the human lizard embarks on a noble quest to watch better films

Recently, while watching Wimbledon for the third time*, it occurred to me that I really ought to stop watching the same crap films over and over when there are so many good ones out there that I haven’t seen yet.

I think we can all agree that to succeed in any quest, you need to start with a list. I have combined two ‘greatest films’ lists to make a definitive list of films to watch. The lists I have used are:

A cat sitting next to a man's feet. The rest of the man is in darkness

  1. The Guardian’s greatest films of all time. This is a list of 175 films across the categories of romance, crime, comedy, action, arthouse and drama, sci fi and fantasy and horror. I was particularly attracted to this list because you can get the data as a spreadsheet.
  2. Frank Darabont’s Greatest Movies Of All Time. For those who don’t know, Frank Darabont directed the excellent The Shawshank Redemption. He lists 223 films and I like his list because it features 22 different genres including two where I haven’t seen any of the films (western and silent era) and several where I’ve only seen one film (socio-political, prison, crime, war and noir).

These lists are by no means perfect – there are some amazing films that I think are missing and some films that shouldn’t be included.** It’s also worth noting that the lists are from 2010 and 2009 respectively, so there are no doubt some recent films that aren’t on there. Despite this, I think that they are as good a place to start as any.

Forty-four films appear on both lists, giving a grand total of 348 films when the lists are combined. I’ve already seen 89 of these, leaving me with 259 to watch. I’m not setting myself any kind of time limit to get through all of these but I’ll aim to see at least one a week. I’m going to give every genre a fair chance but may abandon if I don’t get on with it after a couple of films. I fear that this will happen with westerns.

Since creating my list a couple of weeks ago, I’ve watched the following four films:

  • The Sure Thing (1985) – Romantic comedy starring John Cusack and Daphne Zuniga (who I really recognised but couldn’t place, turns out she’s Brooke’s mum in One Tree Hill. Yes, I’m hanging my head in shame) as college students who don’t get along but have to travel across the country together. Look out for Tim Robbins and Anthony Edwards looking incredibly young. It’s an enjoyable enough film but Say Anything retains its position as my 1980s John Cusack movie of choice.
  • Roman Holiday (1953) – Romantic comedy starring Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck. She’s a princess trying to escape her royal life, he’s a reporter after a great story. I thought I would love this film and I was right. This was Hepburn’s first major role and she shines.
  • Dazed and Confused (1993) – This is what they call a ‘coming of age’ film and is set in 1976 on the last day of school. There isn’t much of a plot but it works as an entertaining look at the lives of some 70s teens. The large cast includes several faces who went on to make it big, including Matthew McConaughey, Ben Affleck and Milla Jovovich.
  • The Third Man (1949) – I thought I should move away from the safety of romance and comedy for my next choice so opted for this classic film noir. American writer Holly Martins has been offered a job in post-war Vienna by his childhood friend Harry Lime. He arrives to find Harry has just been hit by a car and various things lead Holly to suspect that this wasn’t an accident.  There are some great scenes in this film, my favourite being the bit with the cat (see amazing picture above).

Anyway, I’ll be updating the spreadsheet with my progress and will no doubt blog again about the films I’ve been watching. I bet you can’t wait.

* In case you’re not familiar with this classic, it’s a 2004 romantic comedy starring Kirstin Dunst and Paul Bettany (and the guy who is/was Brooke’s boyfriend in One Tree Hill). She’s the young American looking to win her first Wimbledon title and he’s the British wildcard entry on the brink of retirement. They meet, they fall in love, you can guess the rest. It is not a very good film. Also, I may have been lying when I said I’ve only seen it three times.

** I’m mainly thinking here of You’ve Got Mail, which is on Darabont’s list and I can’t understand why. I’ve watched it of course. Several times.

Quest to watch better films
Players: 1
Ages: 27
Vaguely interesting fact: The Third Man score uses only the zither, played by the composer.
Verdict: I think this is quite a good quest and should be far easier to fit around full-time employment than, say, the search for the Holy Grail.